&&&&&so the plot thickens

IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG but also I’ve been a busy beaver.

First things first, the PLOT HAS THICKENED! I sort of forgot how I left off but basically here are the hardcore facts you all need to know! Ben & Mary have hooked UP! Now what type of hooking up? The world may never know because Mary hasn’t given me ANY details. This hook up happened after we all hung out at the aviary which was super rad! I’m assuming they were drunk because we all saw each other the next day at a conference. While we were at the aviary, Ben & I were accused of dating yet in reality we just have great chemistry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We’ve hung out by ourselves & I truly like his company. I have told both parties that I am out of the match making business. So, they can act like adults and do it themselves. Yet, after this whatever happened with them they have acted strangely awkward around one another?? I noticed this because there was a talent show which Mary & I were in. Ben drove me there we jammed and talked etc. Ya girl WON first place in the talent show! How did I win you ask??? BY DOING MY JOB! A literal read aloud. I am honestly very honored because people were able to see what I do for the children of PGH. Anyway, they barely talked and like didn’t interact?? It was weird. Then after Ben left I went out with some friends & he texted me asking to let him know when I get home. In my mind I’m like LOL you my BF but then I’m like okayyyyy he’s being a good friend true true.

Anyway, will I know what will happen in the future??? No!!! WAY!!! But I hope everything can stay the same and okay. Do I believe this? NO! Mary hasn’t really talked to me but currently Ben and I are currently trying to make plans to see Black Panther. How do I feel you’re probably wondering. Well, lots of things. For one, even if I ‘develop’ feelings could I act on them considering GIRL CODE?? Not really. Then, he’s also going into the Peace Corps in August. So it’s like why let myself get attached and hurt. In the moment, I’m trying to enjoy our friendship time together! Let the rest come as it may!

I have a JOB interview in a week!!!! The job consists of teaching refugees English and establishing relationships with the family!!!!!  SOUNDS UP MY ALLEY??? Plus, it will totally help me with my dream of teaching in South Korea! Oddly, things can come full circle if you work hard enough.

The kids are LOSING their minds. NO LIE. I honestly cannot wait for Spring Break!~! I know they cannot wait either! Mercury is almost in retrograde! TWO MORE DAYS! In the midst of all that nonsense I lost my freaking love crystals. I hope they show up somewhere. My heart chakra feels all off. Let this act as a call into the universe.


I hope everyone else’s Tuesday is going okay despite this DANG snow~



OKAY!!!!! Too much has happened but I’m going to try my best to explain it in chunks.

These past two weeks with kids has been a weird mixture. Some have been very good while others test my patience which they know how to do extremely well. I had a meeting this past Friday with the program I’m serving with which went by relatively fast. That past Wednesday, it was my friends birthday so we wanted to celebrate. Our usual friends had other plans so we’re like okay we’ll do our own thing. We ended up meeting with some of the newer members of our organization. Well my roommate was included and let me tell YOU not good MAYDAY MAYDAY. I haven’t talked to her in a month so this ‘outing’ sort of made me talk to her. Which wasn’t even the true weird part. My friend and I went with these two brand spanking new HOT GUYS! We’ll call them Shawn & Seth. Shawn acts like Schmidt from New Girl. A total flirt with confidence up the wazoo while Seth is more low-key like Nick from New Girl but not an awful decision maker. Seth is very responsible while Shawn is not. Moral of the story, my roommate, we’ll call her Mildred made Shawn pay for her dinner because she didn’t have “money” BITCH BRING A CREDIIT CARD???? You are legit 24 fucking years old. I can’t fucking wait to leave this apartment and away from HER. Anyway, I was going to take the bus home afterwards but Seth INSISTED he drive me to their apartment because its closer to my apartment and I’m like oh sweet Jesus fine DAD (not daddy, yet). ANYWAY, Mildred is still following along and was just weird. When we got to their apartment, I REALLY needed to pee so I did then was all ready to leave but they’re like make yourself at home so I’m like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I did. In the end, we hung out, drank some beer, and listened to all different types of music. It wasn’t bad I just hate my roommates presence so SUE ME.

Then Saturday rolls around where I got wine drunk with one of my friends and we buy concert tickets to see Hayley Kiyoko who is literally SO COOOL AND SEXY! It was a spur of the moment decision and I’m super excited about it. I appreciate this friends friendship & I truly believe we’ll be friends for a long time! She inspires me to work hard & follow my dreams. Plus she loves SKAM which is a KICK ASS Norwegian show so YES!

Sunday Sunday SUNDAY! I woke my a$$ up early to help clean the city of Pittsburgh with some new members from the organization I’m apart of. they’re very cool, friendly, and caring! Very happy I did so. On the other hand, I got myself into a love triangle that I didn’t even know existed! I feel like I’m being dramatic but also ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyway, I’ll call them Ben and Mary. They were very fun so we decided to get lunch afterwards! Whatever, we’re vibing clicking you name it. Then Ben drives us home & Mary texts me asking to put in a good word for her to Ben. I’m like sure what do I have to lose? I ask him if he found any girls cute lately and he’s like not really / not looking because he’s going to the Ukraine in August. I’m like uh huh makes sense and he’s like PLUS I’m more of a relationship guy than a hook up guy. So I’m texting MARY as we speak & she’s like just mention my name but don’t make it weird. So I go well you and MARY hit it off and he’s like well not to be a dick but she’s not my type and I’m like LDBAOBLDADBABD well like ya’ll CLICKED and he’s like we’re just different and I’m like funk okay. So I tell Mary and that was that. THEN Mary is like well I confronted Ben and he thinks you’re cute and friend zoned me & I’m like LDAOBDABODB girl okay. She then wanted to be my wing woman and I’m like GIRL I JUST MET HIM PLUS LIKE AHHHH EVERYONE NEEDS TO RELAX IF I WANTED HIM AS A MAN I WOULD GET IT I DON’T NEED ANYONE TO PLAY MIDDLE SCHOOL! I said it nicely but yeah so I got myself into a weird triangle when I just want to meet more people.


this is what FATE looks like. Fate will tap you on the shoulder, buy you a coffee, or be your chemistry partner! YOU JUST DON”T KNOW! It is unexpected and takes you by surprise in such a SURREAL WAY! I’m just happy and things are finally FINALLY coming full circle.


Everyone, happy Tuesday & don’t forget to emit those good vibes.


Happy Sunday ya’ll!!!! Whoa, the last week and a half was rOuGh. Kids can literally be SOOO mean and then I wonder why?? Why do you make things harder for yourself? Why can’t we JUST have fun?? Why do you have to be so MEAN! I know I shouldn’t be so sensitive when it comes to things like this because I know deep down it has NOTHING to do with me. They don’t even know me and some probably don’t care to know me. I try to show them that I care for them because I really do but at the end of the day that is all I can do. It was a stressful week full of stupid Valentine parties, kids on a constant sugar rush, and bitter sixth graders. Needless to say, I am SO glad that week is OVER.

I planned a GALENTINES with my homies in dirty jersey which was AWESOME~ We drank beer, sang too loud, and ate way too much food. The bar had a FREE buffet, so really, ya’ll know where I’ll be. My friend’s cousin is just way too cute and I wish I talked to him more. But also, I know we ain’t falling in love he just has the BEST NOSE!!!!

Anyway moving on!!!!!!!

I had an interview with Barnes & Noble. I was hoping for the Child’s Specialist position but ended up with nada. It was five minutes and I drove 45 minutes! LET THAT SINK IN! I didn’t have the availability they wanted so really it isn’t that I wasn’t qualified I just don’t have the time. I wish they hired me for weekends to at least see the position but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ win some you lose some. I think I’ll apply in the summer because I don’t know what I’m going to do!

I’m applying for a position that teaches English to refugees which would be super cool! I would love to be with the children so send me good vibes! I read my cards for my past present future and it was like ALL REALLY POSITIVE. Basically, my cards were telling me that I’m on the right path for my career, life, and romance and I’m like EEK am I prepared? But, I need to not let my fear and anxiety get the best of me! Plus, I gave up being judgmental for lent because I can make snap judgments faster than Wendy’s can deliver your burger. I don’t mean to but I just immediately put walls up and create snap judgments but NO MORE!

I’ll keep ya’ll updated 🙂

superbowl cHaMpS

So, if you’re an Eagles fan, well, you WONNN!! I decided to surprise my parents & drive to Philly to watch the Super Bowl with my dads side of the family. I’m glad I did because my mom was like crying because she was so happy. She’s gotten a little better but she takes some medication now which I think is good but also I wish she wouldn’t take medication. I’m worried about her and I just hope she’s okay. I gave her a crystal that helps lower her blood pressure, eases stress/anxiety, and helps a broken heart. She put it right on.

On another note….

MY DAD LOOKS SO GOOD LIKE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD!!!!! HE LOST 12 POUNDS AND I ALMOST CRIED LIKE FUCK YOU DON’T REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR PARENTS TIL SHIT HAPPENS. He was so happy that the Eagles won. People were crying, cursing, screaming, streaking, shouting, using cowbells, and fireworks were going off. It was quite a celebration and I’m grateful to have spent it with my passionate and eccentric family.

On the other hand, I didn’t appreciate how after they won people we’re setting the city on fire, flipping cars, and fucking climbing on street poles. First off, if a different race did that there would have been MANY more arrests and tear gas. I fucking BET YOU. I’m pissed off that when Ferguson happened people were teared gassed but because it was a ‘sports’ game it was okay???? FUCK NO.

So, yeah. That is my one problem and I could probably find more.

Life hasn’t been too exciting. I’ve sort of put on the back burner looking for a job. I’ve made a decision though. Next year, I am GOING to teach in South Korea. Yes. You all read that RIGHT. I am NOT stuttering and I am STRONG willed. This is MY dream. I won’t be caged in. If I don’t do it now, when? So, here I go into the universe. For the next year, I’m looking into programs that empower girls & women. Possibly, I could coordinate events or I am looking for a job where I can analyze books / research them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Here I go friends.

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend thus far. I haven’t written anymore than four pages for my book but I will eventually. I can’t keep talking negatively about myself. I just got to keep on plugging through life.

^^I didn’t mean for this to get too emotional. Anyway, happy Saturday !

music keeps me going

Every Wednesday is the WORST! Like, for some odd reason Wednesdays’ have been cursed????? I wear my calming crystals, I try very hard to drink all of my coffee, and even stay hydrated!!! Yet, the day always turns to SHIT. I get so stressed out with this one place I work with. Nothing ever goes RIGHT! I swear it is like I’m looking in a carnival mirror! Reality just doesn’t look right at this place??

To top all that off…..

MY ROOMMATE IS LITERAL GARBAGE! I haven’t complained about her in a hot minute but LITERALLY she never cleans and I am NOT her MAID but I’m also a clean freak so FUCK HER. I can’t wait to move OUT like for real. She’s an ‘adult’ & doesn’t even know how to act like one.

Still on the hunt for a job. This week has been so busy I haven’t had a chance to apply to anything lately. I really need to decide if I should get a “real” “real” job or stick with another year of AmeriCorps then go to South Korea. Let me tell you something. My cousin told me she’s going there & I legit CRIED like actually bawled. This bitch gets to live out my dream (I feel like I said this but I’m going to say it again). I’m a JEALOUS asshole. I need my brother to step the FUCK up and talk to my parents. I can’t be there only person. I understand that when I’m older I’ll be their main person but it’s pissing me off that I feel like I can’t do anything because my brother. He’s just not being the person that I know he can be. It’s a long story but I just hate sounding selfish but I WANT TO LIVE MY GODDAMN LIFE TOO. I HAVE FUCKING DREAMS I HAVE FUCKING WISHES. To complete and fulfill those I can’t let people tie me down. I feel so constrained. A never-ending cycle I suppose.

On a positive note, I started rewriting!!!! I wrote four pages and I’m like YEAH get at me. LOL. But yeah, it is nothing much but it is a START! Plus, one of the new crystals I bought helps with writers block? Which is funny because I didn’t even know that when I purchased it.

Cheers to trying to become the person that I know I can / want to be. I hope everyone is enjoying their HUMP day. It is almost over. Gee I can’t wait.

bet you rue the day you kissed a writer in the dark

Well, folks. I am BACK. By popular demand (HAHA jk just because and I know I SHOULD write every single day).

I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. I know I’m not entirely giving up my teaching in South Korea dream but damn does it feel like a silent loss. I want it. I want it to happen so bad. My cousin is fucking traveling there in JUNE! I’m such a jealous bitch. She gets to experience it all while I know I’ll have fun on vacation with my family. Internally, I hope I don’t begin to hate or loathe them. They aren’t holding me back. I should be mindful and considerate of them. Of course, I love them & all. It still sucks all the same.

That is one piece of the puzzle. I hope you all can interpret that mess.

Job hunting isn’t all it is cracked up to be. Maybe I won’t ever find my dream job. Maybe I should do one more year of AmeriCorps then go to South Korea and then….??? Geez!!! Why can’t I just live life to the fullest, travel, and be happy? I hate having to think about everyone else around me. I don’t want to disappoint anyone. Of course I want a stable job. I want a career that changes children and adults life. Is that so hard to ask? I sound like such a bitch but gosh early 20s isn’t a dream haven.

I went on a date from that dating app hinge or whatever! He was honestly a very kind and hilarious dude! Sparks weren’t flying & it wasn’t fate. He wanted to hold my hand & I was like no…. (EW) in my mind. I don’t know where you hand has been. In the end, he did want to hang out again & I asked if we could hang out as friends. Well, it didn’t go over so well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ win some ya lose some, I guess. I’m honestly SO SO SO proud of myself for doing it because I’m not courageous in that way. I can totally make fun of myself & be a loud weirdo but when it comes to going on a blind date shit I’ll pass. That takes guts and I admire those who do that all of the time!!! I since then deleted the app & feel like there’s no time for dating or even thinking about another person like that. Recently, I’ve gotten back into the gym & try to go every day. I’ve been into my crystals, poetry, cards, and my job. Maybe the time isn’t now. Which is silly because that one woman who was honestly amazing read my cards in November!! She said in January or February!! So here I sit, drinking a sunset wheat beer & hoping for the best. I did however, do a New Year ritual which I hope sent out positive messages into the universe! Lord knows I need more of those.

I know I sound like I’m waiting / looking for love & I swear that is not what is happening! It is just a mere coincidence that my confusion sounds like complaining!!! I guess I’m excited for what is to come. I just hope Pittsburgh was the right decision for me. Sometimes I feel like maybe this is all a fluke.

For those who car, my father is fairing well. He’s just bored but he’s starting physical therapy next week which I’m so happy about. I think they’re coming to visit in March  / April which would be GREAT! I miss them and I want to see my dad in person.

The family restaurant with my brother isn’t happening anymore. I’m thankful yet even more lost on what will happen to the people who wanted to fulfill that project. I know that is a random thought and ya’ll probably don’t understand. But, really, you don’t need to.  Just be out there sending good vibes to not just me but everyone. The world could use more kindness than disgusting humans like Larry Nassar.

I want to start next weekend to begin sharing with you all the story I am writing. That seems scary and frightening and humiliating but if I don’t know then, when? I say this as I take a long sip of again my sunset wheat beer. Maybe it won’t happen but I need to push myself.

This post is long. You got this. Happy Saturday !

it’s been a HOT eon

Wow, is it just me or did the new year COME quick upon us?? Yeah I know ya’ll time isn’t a slow moving watch but a fast moving cheetah??? I know I’m lame. I’ll stop….


I am so sorry for not writing in a while but also not because life truly hit me hard when I went home for the holidays. My dad had a heart attack and my whole family was SHOOK. Essentially, I was the glue for everyone and it was slightly terrifying. He’s okay but is out of work for three months. I know he’s going stir crazy. He’s a very “do it” type of person so I know “resting” is a hard thing to do. I’m glad he was able to get the surgery quickly and efficiently. I hate doctors but am so thankful for the ones who worked on him. I’m not telling you this either so you can give me “that look” I’m just letting you know that I’ve been engulfed in other matters.

Moving on.

So getting back into the swing of work is DIFFICULT! I feel like I forgot who I was and what I did. It has been getting better as the weeks pass. I’m remembering how to be a human working and all that. The real question is what am I going to do after June?!?!?!!? YEAH!!!! I’ve been looking into teaching English in South Korea. Which seems crazy and I feel super guilty for leaving my family but I need to explore the universe and I just keep thinking about how cool it would be. My other ideas are maybe a librarian at a PGH library or someone who engages with communities / planning events / making a difference?!??!? I have no clue. I feel like getting a writing degree was a waste. I also fucked up my MAC so my story that I was writing is ALL gone thanks to my dumbass self.  I don’t know maybe the universe will lead me to another path. Send those good vibes!

Onto another topic…

DATING! This thing that we probably all dread because the game has changed! It involves apps and swiping and only checking out peoples photographs?? It isn’t pleasant but my one friend her resolution was to put herself out there! So she downloaded this app called hinge and I followed suit. Thus far, I have this feeling that I won’t be brave enough to meet up with anyone because like AHHHH it is REALLY scary! It all feels so unnatural and disconnected. Take me back to the days when I play jailbreak with my neighborhood crew and end up falling for my golden boy 12 year old neighborhood friend. It was a MUCH simpler time !!! Don’t even try to ARGUE with me!!!

More to come if I actually am interested in any one of them.

I bought more crystals/stones which is exciting !!!! I rearranged my room so there’s a very calm aura now. Santa got me a Himalayan salt lamp!!!!!! Which emits positive vibes and also a soft pretty light.


I am attending the Pittsburgh Women’s March next SUNDAY! Which I am PUMPED about!!!!!

So I don’t know. Here I am and this is my life. Welcome to my early 20s?????